Flans: we'll be here at the end of every month, except April, because Marty has to do something with his family.
Taylor: Marty, you a bitch and so is your aunt.
This actually happened
Taylor: [waves a magic wand at Ash] AVADA KEDAVRA!
Ash: You know what? I have a job.
stop calling me taylor, bitch! call me Uncle Goo-Goo Gah-Gah!!!– When G-chats Go Completely Cuckoo-Bananas
Who's with me, dreamers?!
me: i've always wanted to form a punk band and cover Paul Simon's Graceland start to finish
Okay, DO IT
me: don't mess with the melodies, just punk them up
Mike: IT IS THE AMERICAN DREAM
me: then for the encore, Rhythm of the Saints
A Little Filth For Your Friday (via Angelalala)
Taylor: Go to the concert tonight without him, but tape his photo to the chair next to yours. Same difference. Oh, and put a dildo in the chair. Headshot and dildo.
Angela: Should the dildo have a little outfit on?
Taylor: Sure, dress the dildo like Mr. Peanut.
Angela: With monocle or without?
Taylor: Bow tie, monocle.
Angela: Tiny little cane, top hat.
Taylor: Don't get too involved in making a fancy tuxedo for the dildo, or you'll miss the show.
Angela: What's more important to you here: my enjoyment, or verisimilitude in the dildo costume?
Taylor: Well, your enjoyment, obviously.
Angela: You have no feeling for great art, then.
Taylor: But if the dildo looks like it's wearing a tuxedo t-shirt, then I promise you're not going to have a good time. So maybe do spend SOME time on it.
Angela: That's what I'm saying. I have to get this right or it doesn't even matter what the show is.
Taylor: Dude, skip the show. We need that dildo looking like Fred Astaire's cock, STAT.
Angela: I wonder if he's going to stay home and dress up a fake vagina like Ginger Rogers and think of me.
Taylor: I've been wondering that since you first mentioned that you wanted to ask him out.
OMG You Guys
ardenashley: Coed Call Girl is on. YES! Your day is so much more full of win than mine, and you were laid off today. How the hell does this work?
Sountrack For Getting Laid Off: Girl Talk with a...
ardenashley: Also. If you guys could keep the internets funny today, I’d appreciate it. :( Picture me juggling kittens, while the kittens are juggling raisinets. Sorry it’s not very elaborate, but it’s all I’ve got time for at the moment.
I think today I am having my first caffeine...
ardenashley: Oh the irony. I know of a cure for that, but I don’t think you’ll like it. (Hint: It’s caffeine.)
kiamatthews: Alpa Chino - I Love Tha Pussy a....
Top Chef didn't bleep out the word 'twat'?
Am I crazy? Does that add up?
DC Snuggie Pub Crawl →
rooseter: Yes, Ashley, I’m talking to you. Tell me this wasn’t conceived by muggers looking to grab people’s wallets after they trip on their Snuggies and fall flat on their asses on the sidewalk.
Too many bar options
Angela: but maybe just like a straight up dive bar is more your speed
me: i like snobbery and divery
Angela: hmmm... i'm not sure i know of a place that offers both
me: if we go to a snob bar, i can go into the bathroom, and -- trust me -- i can make it divey in there at least
Angela: lol way too loud @ work and with a mouthful of mashed potatoes.
me: when you laugh at that, it makes me think that you don't believe me
i'll prove it
oh lord, how i'll prove it
I have a ticket to They Might Be Giants performing...
it’s like caligula and bertrand russell had a baby bah bah bah mah.– My Dennis Miller impression, via gchat. I could have been talking about anything.
Marry me!– (via ardenashley) “Babysit me!”
Michel Gondry is directing Rogen/Goldberg's GREEN... →
I get my bathroom and your bedroom mixed up…Lots of cleveland steamers...– I think this is better without context
Natasha: all's fair
i cry foul!
foul is not fair
Natasha: not according to the witches of macbeth
of which i am now one
respect my religion
me: fair is not foul and foul is not fair
that play is a work of fiction
just like christianity
Natasha: too late, they already did
me: the scoreboard is a work of fiction too
Natasha: there is no spoon
I know, it’s a touchy subject, but someday, we all have to confront the notion...– Bill Maher at the Oscars last night Maher is a total prick, but he’s right about 99% of the time. (via joemuto) Maher is a total prick because he used his presenting time to shill for his own shitty movie no one liked. It was incredibly rude to come out and say, “Oh, my documentary wasn’t...
ooh i want to play the [ipod] game too
maura: This is based only on the playlists that are on my ipod at the moment, which is a fraction of my total itunes (I cleared out some room for extra video for my trip this past weekend). Number of Songs: 1,165 Number of Albums: 129 Most Recently Played Song: Iron Maiden, “The Evil That Men Do” Most Played Song: (I don’t think I can tell without itunes) Most Recently Added Album: Lily...
…the show bogged down with that somber bunch of Best Supporting Actresses...– Yahoo Movies’ Best & Worst of the Oscars
More from the Oscars
Whoah, the police captain from Robocop died this year.
"I'll rent The Reader!"
This opening number kicks ass.